did practically nothing BUT eat yesterday...
had lunch at hard rock cafe with my extended family
then had dinner with my family, grand aunt's birthday
she's 78 and still looking in the pink of health
i hope i live that long...

did practically nothing today cause the person didnt call me to work
yea i only work when i get called to come in....
it's called PART TIME work
mapled a little bit, under three hours... keep dying in the eos tower

and would horny girls STOP TAGGING ME?!!??!!
i'm fucking sick of u tagging me and saying that u need to get laid!!!!!!!!!!
i'm not a pervert assholes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm a girl idiots! YES i am a GIRL.... like YOU!
sheesh...

i'm loving Aly and Aj's Potential Breakup Song

this is all random by the way

im hungry. so hungry and rotting at home with nothing to do
freaking hell im bored.... BORED BORED BORED....
i sound irritating now and whiney.... i hate whiney...
what happened to me?! i don't get it... i miss school...
i miss having a normal life as a studen now....
hell ya im saying this... i think i should do a maths to pass the time later...

damn BORED... should do chemistry... ya..
i should redo the WHOLE 20 year series... just to kill time
and while i wait for the person to call... hai...

my life's boring now. oh ya i dont HAVE a life... sheesh...
i'm a boring person... im like everybody else... BORING...
no excitement... i need to get back into the dance scene....
like NOW before a really rot away...
only three weeks into the holidays and i'm sick of staying at home and going to orchard everyday...
what the hell is wrong with this girl you ask?
well this girl just had all the confidence sucked out of her
she doesn't even know who did that
her self esteem is really know and she feels like crap...

just a little something i came up with:

Lone Ranger

She's always alone, with no one to talk to
She's always alone, with no one to turn to
She's always alone, with the world on her shoulders
She's always alone, with a hole in her heart

Day after day she wonders why she's here
Day after day she slowly fades away
Who can understand how she feels?
Who can understand why she feels this way?

Always forgotten, always insignificant
Always in the background where she can be herself
In the spotlight she can't express herself
In the dark she's free to speak

This girl will take her time to find who she is
In time to come she can feel confident
But in time, will she still be around?

ppl, see my tagboard over there? ========>
yup. some tags are nonsense. i don't even know the people...
yeah whatever lah... i'll let them post what they want
if they wanna get **** then go the geylang... im sure they'll have no problems

anyway went shopping for my work clothes with clara.
we took the train like more than 5 times to get all my stuff...
thanks clara.
i mean really.
anyway originally wanted to watch a movie
but decided to screw the idea cause we're both too tired...
feet are aching now...

she said something that made perfect sense today.
i dont want to admit it but here goes...
when i talk about other people, i do sound bitchy and irritating
i dont know how to speak nowadays
yes Shina, the one who got good marks for english oral
doesn't know how to speak...
as in, then tone and all that.
so from now on i think im going to keep quiet
unless someone talks to me...
that way i won't get misunderstood, AND i wont offend anyone
like i did with someone this week

i think i've had it with being patient with ppl who don't get my idea
if they don't get me i'll just leave it as that
unless they really want to understand then i'll explain again

those who've been reading my blog will know what i'm talking about
yesterday's issue about that someone, ya i'm leaving it as that
im accepting it, as much as it irritates and pisses me off to do so
im accepting it. period im not talking about it anymore.
even if that person brings it up, im not going to talk, i'll keep my mouth zipped.

work starts on monday. oh joy. i dont get to be at home the whole day.
it's perfect. im earning money, i'm gonna treat my family to hard rock cafe.
and my cousins to sakae sushi.
how nice of a person am i?

i don't think im all that lah.
nicole keep telling me how good enough a person i am.
i don't think im that good.
actually i dont really like myself.
im ok with the way i am.
as in im fine with the way i am but not satisfied
as in contented. not satisfied.

when i think about what i've done, it's always coming back as a bad thing
i dont know why.
i feel like im always in the wrong
maybe i am always in the wrong
because im a stupid 16 year old
and the elders are always right.
yes of course. im 16 and naive and stupid and oblivous.
i've been this way since sec one
honestly im not one who will shout it out to the whole world but yeah

the plan now is to keep as much to myself as possible.
i'll tell my friends if they pry it out of me.
but other than them, i don't think anyone should know what's in my head
or what's going on in my mind.
i'll just shut the hell up when other people are talking
i'll just be i a world of my own
and read the news, the papers, log on the web to get some GK....
but who care if i have as much GK as isaac right? i don't.

i dont really care how much i know...
in fact my only concern now is my o level results, work and dancing
it means a lot to me. no one can understand how i feel...
well, not many people can unless they are dancers and they are super serious about dancing or their own interests...

who wants to know how pathetic i am?
no one.
yeah i am pathetic am i?
dunno lah
self esteem very low now.
it'll get better later i hope...........

oh yeah....
when i got home today,
i found out that my bro got a brand new phone.
i get shit and he gets a phone.
oh wow.
yay
oh joy.
thanks a lot hor...
i appreciate it... you know...?
telling me how unimportant i am
i never got a new phone in my life. yes, NEVER.

just came back from my cousin's house for dinner... was fun lah
got to catch up and stuff... apparently one of them got a lot of hatred in them
i admit i was like that once
cursing and stuff... lols...
and what'd you know? i started again today...
damn irritated by that person
blah blah blah blah that's all the person has to say
about me befriending people of other races... shit la
wtf lor... how on earth did ppl survive living with that person

ya the bad post and long post is gone isaac
but it doesn't stop there la
apparently been having a lot of petty fights
with this particular person... but i can't help it
not really talking to that person... i won't say who la
i don't have that much hate bottled up inside
only frustrations and that i can really blow up
like a volcano eruption... it's gonna be controversy all over again

ya back in sec one i lashed out on my old blog on someone so bad
it blew up so bad that a certain demon just had to tell me
if i didn't remove that post they'd tell the teacher for um... defamation
ah well... what i said back then came true
those ppl who have stuck with me all through the 4 years would know
which would only be person, me.
no lah. there's Gen too... she was there for me for the past 2 years...
what a good friend eh??

ah wells... no matter
i think i've simmered down already
i was so freaking pissed off.... yeah
started swearing my mouth off once i stepped out of the house....
maybe i'll go talk to that person now
dunno lah... just see first
this was not the second time i blew up like that in front of that person
i think this is the second time this month and that's a lot
i don't blow up often you know, i was a very peaceful person
now i'm just teenage angst, but not goth or emo lah
goth and emo is so not me lor...

haha... going shopping with clara tmr
for my work clothes... shoes and stockings...
black pants and skirt... ya apparently i dont have those
only black jeans... but those won't do...
its a freaking 5 star hotel im about to work in so ya
attire is everything
i need to bun up my hair as well...

this concludes the end of my post. will try do do a fan fiction one soon.
since i got some free time... lols..

hey people!
so today went to apply for a job as a waitress.
yeah i have to get the uniform and stuff... stockings and blah...
lols. went with wei ting lah... her friend referred us to the company and stuff...
so signed a contract and what do you know? we start on monday! how cool is that?
lols. we'll be posted to a hotel and stuff so yeah, at most two different hotels.
anyway after that went to Mr Ng's BBQ, it was so freaking fun lah!
the guys were like damn funny! better than tv comedy i can tell u that.
denyse, cynthia, cheryl hoi, lynette and amanda tham went too... duh i wouldn't've gone if they hadnt

just to keep it short and sweet, there was this guy flirting with the rest of em,
yeah not me cause every guy there could see that i wasn't interested
lols. yea. cynthia was like," Shina, ur not talking to any guys!!!!"
and was like," yeah.... im not interested"
i think the lot of em heard that so i was left alone.
i didn't mind though... lols...
then went blading.. so damn fun la.. watching denyse, cynthia and i screaming away
while holding denyse while she tried to blade...
almost got a heart attack lah! wah lao..
that denyse kept screaming as if she was gonna fall flat on her face while i was there... lols...

kept singing the big butt song, i like big butts and i cannot lie?
yeah that one... sang it loud and proud... it's actually called baby got back
mr ng said that there was gonna be another BBQ in december before christmas
its gonna be fun!!! lols...
mr ng was so nice... because we stayed later, he paid for our cab fare home..
like all four of us, me, denyse, cheryl hoi and cynthia...
he gave us like 20 bucks, i think it was enough if not more than enough to get us four home from east coast...

actually i like the guys' sense of humour...
apparently i took this personality test to see how goth i was...
yeah and apparently i'm very goth, so i basically need someone to make me laugh more often
the guy from Mumbai you better watch out man... the next time you bully cynthia im gonna make you do the mambo.... lols
yeah well the salsa la... dont know mambo too well to teach... lols

kk i'll stop blogging here.. wait for the next post..

haven't blogged since prom on the 19th, well here goes...

it started off with singing the school song for one last time of our lives
yeah, not many ppl were actually opening their mouths and singing
then we had this tresure hunt thingy, had to find 10 out of 12 items on the list
i think my class only got like 6?? ah whatever, lame game
but the prizes were like so good, darn it! a 5A or 5B table won the first prize
dunno, can't remember then the next one was Who Am I, pics of teachers when they were younger
yea a 4H table won that one
oh and I won a lucky draw of a $20 shopping voucher at Bugis Junction, whoo hoo!
lols yeah well had to get up on stage looking all sunburnt
oh did i mention i thought that i looked even more like my mum that night
with all the freaking make up... should've like used the foundation so i won't look so red
lols
yeah and Rui Lynn was like, "at least ur not peeling today".
lols, then i was like yeah... btw i was peeling yesterday
oh and mrs elan who gave me the voucher was like," why are you all sunburnt?"
then i was like,"didn't put sunblock".
lols like wth lah, so funny at the time... inside joke but yea

then it was the presentation of classes... form teachers got to say their bit about their classes and stuff... and to their classes of two years...
like gosh, has it been THAT long???
dinner was really good, but i think i drank too much tea or orange because i had only one serving of dessert and Gen had two!
lols... i love the jellyfish, nice and spicy and cold!
haha... had shark's fin, like wah.... yummy!!!

oh yeah heard from Nicole that when I went up on stage to get the lucky draw or the presentation of classes,
that BITCH LILIAN was like," OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!" and the ppl around her were like laughing...
Nicole was sitting right behind her table so she could TELL it was HER
Nicole told me yesterday over the phone, i was like,"Fuck HER lah"
The best thing was that I didn't let anyone ruin my night
despite me being all sunburnt, looking like my mum, shoulders achinging with the sunburn, face flaking off slightly, and arms being all red and stuff.... and rui lynn enjoying herself while poking my arm because it changes colour see....

oh yeah, dunno for what reason i felt all horny last night taking stupid test about sex... dont tell!!!!!

I totally agree with this personality test. But whatever right?

whooo hoo! check out my IQ ppl!

just found out what was wrong with the link to clara's blog
was just a little comma instead of the full stop
was still simmering yesterday about the whole issue after sentosa
now im fine again but still don't feel like talking much unless its my brother
yea he's the only one im sorta talking to in the house
why? he understands me better than those two for obvious reasons

no Isaac ur not a hypocrite. just those two i live with
just link my two cousins Isaac and Lynette, yea
i think out of the 6 and 1/2 cousins that I have, those two understand me the most
once they turn 18 im gonna take them out for the night
anyway Lynette's birthday is on mine, so the four of us can celebrate it together!
how nice right? i'll be 23 by then... so old! four of us, including my brother

dunno why, I keep listening to SHE's jie kou, trying to get Ella's rap...
ah well I'll have all the time in the world but Im still looking for a job
Why am I looking for a job? so that i can spend what i earn
and treat all the friends who have been there for me and with me this year
yea treating them to Sakae Sushi, lucky people eh?
btw, i plan to treat my cousins and my bro to Sakae as well...
we'll fix a date after christmas as i'll be working like crazy
just to pass the time and stay out the house
and out of trouble. yea well says my principal anyway
to stay out of trouble, the best thing a delinquent can do is get a job
plus we get $$ to spend! aint that a good thing or what?

my posts are really long because i've gotta get things off my mind
some therapy eh? lols
shoulders are still hurting from the sunBURN
dunno how to fit into my dress later on,
oh yeah my prom's today
Gen is gonna come over and I'm gonna be doing her make up
dunno what to do with her hair by the way
i think she should either let it down or bun it up
either way it looks good
i think i'll change the song on my blog
doesnt' suit my mood
maybe the skin too.....

dunno what to do so posted S.H.E's lyrics for their song 借口.

借口 - S.H.E

在伊斯坦堡的你
爱情最后的战役中
说了第一九四三句对不起之后
想简单爱却开不了口
倒数后开始与安静斗牛
像龙卷风一扫而过
过去的影像不再有
情话飘散成千里之外一曲东风破
听妈妈的话别让我受伤

你的烂借口
分裂了你我
同一种调调
没有轨迹的痛
好瞎的借口
飘移了你我
困兽之斗
在在在在在在在
在这乱舞春秋

烂借口
每当孤单的时候
望着那反方向的钟
寻找那暗号让我回到过去生活
相信发如雪你也爱我
现实中完美主义不再有
是老斑鸠提醒着我
欢乐时光双刀挥过
情感像断了的弦好一个黑色幽默
听妈妈的话
别让我受伤

外婆可不可以告诉我
在爱情悬崖有没有
我期待的将军等候
园游会里夜曲美妙弹奏
庆祝开心的朋友
我强颜欢笑的度过
外婆你可不可以告诉我
在爱情悬崖有没有
我期待的将军等候
园游会里夜曲美妙弹奏
别慌我的超人朋友
你的秘密我会保守
你的烂借口
分裂了你我
同一种调调
没有轨迹的痛
好瞎的借口
飘移了你我
困兽之斗
在在在在在在在
在这乱舞春秋

你的烂借口
分裂了你我
同一种调调
没有轨迹的痛
好瞎的借口
飘移了你我
困兽之斗
在在在在在在在
在这乱舞春秋

喂在配唱啦
石锅拌饭
加颗蛋喔
好 bye

Damn bored. So I added chinese lyrics. dunno if can come out right.. whatever...

风到这里就是粘
粘住过客的思念
雨到了这里缠成线
缠着我们留恋人世间
你在身边就是缘
缘分写在三生石上面
爱有万分之一甜
宁愿我就葬在这一点
圈圈圆圆圈圈
天天年年天天的我深深看你的脸
生气的温柔埋怨的温柔的脸
不懂爱恨情仇煎熬的我们
都以为相爱就像风云的善变
相信那一天抵过永远
在这一刹那冻结那时间
不懂怎么表现温柔的我们
还以为殉情只是古老的传言
你走得有多痛痛有多浓
当梦被埋在江南烟雨中心碎了才懂

Came back from Sentosa at around 5pm today.
Actually left earlier for lunch with Clara, Nella and Lynette.
Had a blast at the beach, I got a tan AND a sun burn, how nice.
Shoulders are like in pain right now but I don't care.
Bought a bag of my favourite rabbit sweet for like 1.60 from the vivomart? yea...
only to have it thrown into the trash by my grandmother,
saying that it was reported poisonous in China. blah blah blah.
the shops in Singapore don't know it yet, blah blah blah.
got fuckin pissed. I don't want to whine, it's not like I love to whine Gen.
I'm just fucking bothered by the fact that she threw my money down the drain.
I have hardly enough to last me for breakfast let alone lunch and dinner,so i
bought sweets to curb the hunger while waiting for my mum to buy dinner or give me $$
for food and stuff...

Never mind about that. Just FUCK it. Been eating it for 10 years and I'm fine.
Getting more and more short tempered nowadays. Dunno why.
Maybe it's the hanging out with Clara too much... dunno dun care
Was never like this before, dunnow what's happened.
I can blow up over something I like to eat, and to those who forbid me to eat them.

Just realized my little family is full of hypocrites. Fuck.
Last year my grandmother forbade me to get a job.
NOW she wants me to get a job to pay for my own bills.
My mum said back in August/September that I could take lessons from Studio Wu where one of my cousins is working as a dance instructor once O's are over.
Fucking hell a week before I finish my last paper she said,
Only after you have stamina then you can learn for ONE month. FUCK LAH.
Bloody pissed off. Bloody hypocrites. My family's tight and all but they
just get on my nerves like over every single fucking thing I want to do outside
the house. Still pissed off.

Don't know when I'll simmer down. Maybe I'll take an early plane to China
so I can condense the water vapour in the air and cool off before the family
spends six days with me, the one who blows up over every single thing
I'm becoming mad. Sadist, insane whatever you want to call it.
Don't know why but sometimes I feel that I stick out like a sore thumb.
Bloody hell I hate life right now. Don't care if I died in an accident.
The world would have one person less to feed and worry about... or at least my mum would.
Sucks when I feel like this. Normally this would go off after a few hours.
But I think this will take until Christmas. Fuck.

Guess I'm just hard up on cash. I hate owing ppl. I'm not one to run to my parents whining I want something and I need cash to get it.
I don't ask for allowence. I just let my parents forget and forget and forget...
Until I'm dying then I'll ask. If not I'll wait till they ask me.

Can't sleep. It's 1.50am, Sunday morning. Don't know how long I'll be up surfing the net for stupid things like lyrics.

Giving myself music therapy right now. The only thing that works to help me simmer down. Sad songs work the best. Angry songs will make me even more agitated.
Whatever ppl.
Clara, if you see this, I chose to feel this way.
I'll be fine. Just freaking pissed off... money went down the drain... fuck la.
By the way, money IS a big deal to me.

Hi people! This is my new blog! Welcome! Hope you like it as much as I did making it... stayed up past midnight to complete this thing... sheesh...