just thought i'd upload something different today...
my cousin's going to America, and i'm gonna miss him so much.
more than i can say, he's the only cousin i can talk to about dance.
the other cousin that i have who is also a dancer, i don't talk to her all that often.
i don't understand why my family can go on and on about my size,
but my friends can accept me for who i am.
they can go on about my looks, my hair, the condition of my skin,
my weight problem but they never tell me that i'm good at something.
they only say it when they see it.
they don't tell me that they believe in me.
they don't encourage me in dance.
everytime, day and night, studies studies studies.
hey, i haven't seen you in almost a year and all you can talk
about to me is my studies?
what about the basic, how are you? are you getting enough sleep?
are you eating well? is poly life stressful?
all they ever talk about is how i have to work hard to survive.
All. The. Time.
every single one of them, the same old thing.
i want to stop going to gatherings altogether, because if the stress they give me.
the unwanted, un-needed, extra stress.
i know they're concern about my health.
i mean, aren't i aware that i'm already overweight?
tell me something that i don't know about myself.
i just dunno what i'd do without him. really.
he's been through what i have and more.
he got the guts to pursue what he really loves and more.
i am not saying that i would love to be in his place.
but i just dunno how to deal without someone to confide in.
just when i found someone in the family that i can relate to...
it's only two months, but to me, two months is like forever.
i know that i've got to learn to be independant.
but sometimes, i need someone to lean on.
i need someone for support.
i give support to my friends because i love them.
i give support to my family because i love and adore them,
no matter what and how they treat me.
all i need is that one person to be there for me, day and night.
supports me unconditionally, willingly and without question.
it's so much to ask, but now, i really need that someone.
aren't i just pathetic? to ask for so much but give nothing in return?
i'm actually asking for support for myself, something i've never done
and never thought that i would ever need to do.
i am so pathetic as to cry over something like this.
maybe it's just mood swings, or that i'm in real pain.
or in real need of that someone, or something.
i've realized that the more i try to be happier, the sadder i become.
i havent felt like this in such a long time.
it's killing me slowly, but surely.
i don't want to give up on life altogether.
but why do i feel so much pain?
it's been so long since i've updated anything here...
my life's so fast paced that i can't keep track of anything anymore...
i didn't know that my cousin had given birth already...
i didn't that my other cousin was going back to america with his family already...
it's hard to keep track these days but i try my best...
on a happier note, my mum bought me a new table and movable storage rack...
hahaha... whee!!! now i have proper table down here...
i dunno what i'm gonna do with the table on the platform...
maybe i'll use it as storage space again... =P
Assignment deadlines are so close...
Young NTUC is due on the 19th August,
Coffee table book due on 4th of September (last day of school).
YAY... holidays after that!!!
not much to blog about my life cause it's still
the same old same old thing...
dance, design, dance, design, dance, design, HIVE PARTY...
yeap... now on to researching on brochure design... haha... =P
