yes this is emo thursday according to my blog, certainly this post is about thursday when its technically friday at 1.30am. i just can't sleep, no matter how tired i feel. anyway, i got the greatest news of all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this really really really really really really really really made my day..... eh hem... (clears throat)

CHRISTIAN SIRIANO WON PROJECT RUNWAY 4!!!!!!!

this was THE best thing that I've ever heard this whole time I've been so miserable in my own little world down in the dump.... the dude's so bloody talented, DUH he deserves to win! and like WTF he's only 22!!! Yes! Yes! Yes! YAY!!!!!! (pops open a bottle of champagne) Let's celebrate shall we? (dances around the campfire) ba da ba ba ba da CHIHUAHUA!!!! Lols... this is the only thing that's made me this happy besides getting my pay and going shopping with ah shi and her friend smita... oh yea, ah shi is AKA clara. yupp, she likes being called that so i'm gonna start calling her that too, and i've changed her name in my phone to ah shi also... lols...

well, i like to live in my fantasy world. when i'm being sucked back into reality i become so miserable, i've already gone 40% insane... and ironically it's all thanks to my mother. yes, mummy dearest has finally drove her only daughter 40% insane by sucking her back to reality like every other day she's trying to live her life as a normal happy teenager. so like, are teenagers SUPPOSED to care about who's gonna pay your school fees, your food, your clothes? i don't know but i have a feeling that i might be growing up too fast. but the good news is that i'm not promiscuous like some other horny girls who try to get laid 20 times before they turn 21... but it might be nice to have someone else to care about me besides my family and friends who are oh-so-important to me.

well i'm going for a bloody health check tomorrow, in order to be fully enrolled into SP... well i might have a slight psychiatric problem as some of my friends are aware of... but yes i appear as normal as a blade of grass, and underneath that blade of grass is the mind that's about to gradually so crazy. all i'm saying is that if i continue living like this, i'll go completely mad and may end up in the Institute of Mental Health at Buangkok Green.... and who's to blame? why no one but me right? because i am responsible for my own well being and my mother is never to blame for whatever shit happens to me? yup, this is how i see it.... i'm being so passive...

there's so many things to do before i get enrolled into my poly... OMG i'm gonna die!!!!! and where the fuck am i gonna get the cash to pay for my freaking laptop??? my mum's definately not paying for it... now i regret spending my CNY ang bao money on clothes and other stuff that i need.... FUCKING HELL... i'll have to save up like SHIT from now on... during my first holiday i'm gonna get a part-time job at Zara, they pay like $7/hr so that's like HUGE difference for what i get from working at the clinic... see i only work like a maximum of 6-7 hours a week and i get 5.80 an hour and i only work on wednesdays and fridays... BUT if i worked at Zara, i work 5 days a week and an average of 5 hours a day, i get a HELL lot more... that should be enough to pay for the laptop if i pay by installments...

URGH!!! I'm gonna die working my ass off to pay for my own living cost... and i'm freaking 17!!!!!!!! and there's like so much politics in the clinic i don't even wanna think about that!!! FUCK, what am i gonna do???? now i understand how nicole feels... damn this sucks!!!! like &^%*^$%&$#*&*^(*&_(*&&*%&^$#^%$%&^(*))!!!!!!!!!! yes, the language is too colourful so i decided to censor it...

i'm just bloody frustrated with my life. and my mum is expecting me to work part-time so that i provide for myself, AND she won't have to give me allowence, pay for my necessities and all the bull shit... but WTF!!!!!!!!!! i wanna die so bad... so that i won't have to go through this SHIT... OMG i'm just so EFFING pissed!!!!! i don't know when was the last time i was this ticked off!!!!!!! oh yea yesterday with the whole lying shit that happened... FUCK LAH i'm swearing so SUE me... just can't stand this crap anymore...