okay so this is the second time that this picture has appeared
in my entries... it's not a good thing...
something's seriously wrong with me...
i don't think it's PWS anymore... (post waves syndrome)
PWS doesnt make ppl careless of their belongings...
PWS doesnt make ppl NOT do their homework
PWS doesnt make ppl spill milo on their laptops...
yes i spilled milo on my laptop by accident...
how stupid to put the cup anywhere near it
in the first place...
i'm thankful that it's still working....
except for the clicking keypad thingy....
but no matter i got my mini-mouse to do the clicking...
*shakes head*
i need to get myself checked for defects...
i'm still feeling down...
i don't know why i'm feeling like this...
i've never been this moody for this long a time...
okay maybe i have...
but maybe it's just that i'm having a bad week...
i'm gonna have some sort of consultation with
my lecturer later... to talk about my life...
wth... i'm nowhere in the mood for that now...
not with so many things on my mind...
so many things to do but dunno which to start first...
i wanna tell you everything...
i'm just afraid that you'll react differently...
too differently that i have this phobia
of letting someone in, or of simply getting my
heart broken once again...
i'm listening to Almost Lover, over and over again...
brings back painful memories i do not wish
to revisit because it just hurts too much...
i wanna cry... let everything out...
i wanna let you see me cry...
but i think it'll just scare you away...
that's what i'm most afraid about...
i'm afraid of disappointment...
i'm afraid of not being able to be your friend...
i'm even afraid of myself now...
i know i'm not the only one going
through these things....
i know that there are other people who
have been through worst...
it's just that i'm taking this badly...
i know i shouldn't whine because
i'm living a better life than some other people...
i'm not ungrateful or unappreciative...
i'm just feeling...
it's only when i'm alone that
i let my truest feelings out...
for fear that my friends will worry for me...
for fear that people will see me differently
because i'm not my usual cheerful self...
honestly i wasn't always happy and cheerful...
it all started on the 14th of April 2008...
that Shina became a happy person...
if possible the happiest in the world because
of the friends she made and the class she's in...
i'm afraid of being ostracised again...
be treated like shit by my classmates...
like being back in secondary school...
like being used and then thrown aside...
the feeling seriously sucks...
i've always ignored it so that
i would show that i'm affected...
but deep down i've always been crying...
i'm always crying even if i'm laughing on the outside...
these are not tears of joy,
neither are they tears of sadness...
i dunno what they are they just
come flowing out...
i'm tired...
i'm very tired...
i just wanna sleep and never wake up...
i don't know why i'm already giving up...
my life has just started...
is it normal to feel this way?
