i'm kinda pissed right now.
i mean yah, i rarely get this pissed to cut the line.
i really don't know how to help them.
or rather, i don't want to anymore.
they're on their own, here on out.
i'm not gonna pay attention to them any longer
quit giving excuses.
it's not for me to hear, it's for you people to feel secure.
it's no use for me to keep telling some of you guys,
the same things over and over.
you guys very well know what you can and cannot do,
what you have to work on so that you look good.
you know your own standards so do something about it already.
i'm not that great myself, at least i'm doing something about it.
i hope that we're all in this together.
because if we aren't there's nothing else we can do to make it better.

what i'm pissed about is not the fact that only a few turned up.
what i'm pissed about is the fact that no one else,
besides a handful, are showing any serious interest in this.
i'm grateful to those that made effort to come down.
i'm grateful to the people that taught me the choreo.
i don't think i'm all that great.
i was nominated, so what?
it doesn't make me any different from anyone else.
the only difference is that slight difference in steps we have to do.
i hope that we can pull through this and put on a good show,
for ourselves if we want a show this year.

i hope i've wasted enough smses. <------ enough said

4 days into the week and i'm already eating into my first pay... =.="
i definitely have to be more careful with my money...
and YES!!! i can sign up for that 3 months 15 classes at studio wu with Brian!!!
hahahah...!!!! i'm so fucking happy!!!
all i need is $80 more from my mum and i PRAY that she'll give it to me...

anyway... i need to let this out of my system because of
something that Bin told us, Girl's hip hop...

Dear Mel,
I am so sorry that I didn't reply to your post on forum...
it wasn't until later that night that I checked the forum
that i knew of the choice of dates and timings to pick for waackin' training...
I know that it's not easy for you to find time to come
down and teach us as and when we want it because
you are working and on top of that, you still of to do a choreo for us,
clean up steps, train technique and all of that...
I understand that if you're angry and frustrated with us,
and disappointed (not to mention)...
Once again, i'm so so sorry...

ooh i feel better... :D
i mean... i feel bad about not checking the forum
earlier than i usually do...
and yes i feel that i am taking some things for granted...
i just hope that i can change for the better (as always)...
i just hope that i, or any of us in girl's hip hop,
do not continue to disappoint Khai or Mel because
it is not easy to teach, clean up, train technique,
arrange time and place for us...
i find that they're doing this for us because they
believed in us, and they believed that will not
take it for granted, but instead cherish and appreciate
the efforts that they are putting in...

i have thought about what it would be like if i
were in any of their shoes...
honestly, i wouldn't've been able to cope if i was Mel...
and as for Khai...
she just graduated and is looking for a job,
or she is already doing some freelance designing...
on top having to complete her work,
she still needs to take all the crap that we give her...
like coming in late (yeah i do sometimes),
giving her the same thing that she saw the previous week
(showing no improvement)

i, myself have looked back on how i spent my day
and i do take things told to me into consideration...
people say that i think too much...
but for me, most of the time, thinking too much
and taking people's feelings into consideration is better
than not thinking at all and just doing what i want...
sometimes i will do things on impulse (hey, no one's perfect yeah?)
and sometimes i will hold back and think before acting...

i am trying to think of ways to help myself
improve in terms of technique in my dance...
sometimes i am afraid of asking because
i do not want to give too much trouble to the seniors...
but i know that that won't help me at all...
hmmm... and maybe i should consider taking up a a course at
either oschool or studio wu.... ;)

I for one had a fruitful week...

HAHAHAA....

Or you can call it a week where i spent the most $$$ recently...

Heart pain ah.... *ouchies!*



The fun began in Tuesday...

Went to school for a mini girl's hip hop session...

Then went to meet Clara at PS to watch

THE TALE OF DESPERAUX...!!! *does the opera like voice*

hahahaa... fun and cute movie!!! LOL...

Wednesday was more fun with Bin's ultimate stretching excercise!!!
WHOOO!!!!! I felt like a rubber band after that!!!
hahahaha...!!!! LOL..!!!!
then it was girl's hip hop, continued with more choreo and practise...
we seriously have to clean up our steps.... Geez...

Thursday was hip hop session! but i was already booked by Clara... -.-"
so we went out and.... like loitered around dhoby...?
and i helped her do her math homework...
surprising i still remember how to balance the equations after
2 years of not touching math... haa hah...!!!
more fun as we walked and walked and talked and talked...
went off early, cause i thought that she would be
going to the IT fair at suntect with her mum...
but NOOO... she told me that her mum would bring her the next day...
we could've spent more time together though... *mumble mumble*

Friday was out again with primary school friends! and that includes Clara...!!!
So we went and watched Legend of Chun Li with Wan Zhen and my brother joined us for the day!!!
ooh and guess what? my grandma sponsered our expenses for the day!!!
phew!!!! if not this day would've left an unpatchable hole in my pocket...
then we met up with jasmine at vivo
and then ellen joined us at serangoon gardens
where we were supposed to meet at the coffee bean
but it was under renovaton... =.="
we ended up going to kovan for dinner at NYDC...
WHOA!!! the food there was awesome!!!
got to hang and talk to them a little bit and catch
up and stuff...
and Clara was going around asking everyone of them
whether they have a bf or not... -.-"
hahahaha...!!!! YAH!!! like WTH right? LOLS...!!!

Saturday was supposedly the day that i was to go for
MTV groove open class at oschool...
BUT... Mr Edmond was late... so we couldn't make it in time... -.-"
ahhaha... but never mind..!!!
we took locking 1 open class instead...!!!
it was still a lot of fun...!!! but it's not THAT easy okay...!!!
hahahah...!!!

Didn't do much on sunday... slacked at home...
slept most of the time... hahahah... then i couldn't
sleep at night!!! lols...

yupss... that sums up my week of activities!!!

today was pretty okay... kind tired though... *grumbles*
i was supposed to meet aihui in the wee hours of the morning for dance practise...
in the end i pang seh her... i feel kinda bad though.... :(
i dunno if she went to school to practise with the modern dancers anyway...
URGH...!!!

i dunno what to think anymore...
today was like "super wake-the-hell-up" day for me...
so FINE... i don't know how to properly put on make up...
SO WHAT?!
it doesn't make sense that some people think that every girl
should wear make up just because she can...
so you don't find me as mature as i should be,
compared to another person a year younger than me...
or persons younger than me by a couple of years...
SO WHAT?!
i can't be myself around some people because they
would want to hint here and there,
telling me that i should be this way just because
a girl should/supposed to/must do all these things to be a proper lady...

for the first time in a very and extremely long time,
today, i felt that i was utterly UGLY and uncivilized...
amongst all the girls who were petite, well mannered,
sweet looking, demure and all things pretty and coy,
i felt like the thorn among the roses... and YES, i mean even among the guys...
i felt so unrefined, raw, vulnerable, helpless and insignificant in that world now...

today was not a good day.
tomorrow will better cause i'll be partying my ass off at ROMPE @ ZOUK...
with SDZ (those who are coming down anyway) and i might meet Nikki there,
so it will be totally cool, fun and i can just party and drink till i drop dead! XD

my friend "low self-esteem" has come back...
and so has "fear", "depression", and "anger"...
i don't need all these in my life right now...
seriously... i'm supposed to be happy during my holidays...

I NEED ANOTHER HUG!!! :(

Work it harder make it better,
Do it faster makes us stronger,
More than ever, hour after
Hour work is never over

Th-th-that that don't kill me
Can only make me stronger
I need you to hurry up now
Cause I can't wait much longer
I know I got to be right now
Cause I can't get much wronger
Man I been waitin' all night now
That's how long I've been on ya

EVERYBODY!!!!
Let's work harder than ever together!!!
The work will only make us stronger,
It will only bond us together!

Training was as tough as last week's...
I don't get tired easily now...
If i'm out of breath, the hell i'd still keep on going...
But it's not my stamina this time...
This time, it's my muscles...
They're physically weak and I need to train them up...
It sucks when I want to push myself to the max, but my body just doesn't want to co-operate...
I agree that we, the juniors/soon to be seniors of SDZ, are moving at a very slow pace...
Yes, I am worried...
Yes, I am stressed...
Yes, I am ashamed because I don't feel that I'm giving it my all...
How many hours to the other train, practise, and have sessions on their own?
And how many hours have I put in?
I don't feel that I'm living up to expectations at all...
I NEED TO BUCK UP!!!!

My body's currently in what I'd call "healing mode"...
Cause it's healing all the areas where I feel pain and strain...
Rest up for 1 day and I want to get back to training...

------------> Latin or Hip Hop? That is the question... <---------------

PS: please tag if you read my blog. It'd be nice to know who actually reads my crap... Haha... (: